i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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