mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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