i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
