she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
