Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
