Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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