its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
