I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
