Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
