I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
