careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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