Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
