I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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