My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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