What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
