It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my shit smells like andre
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
