Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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