Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
