i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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