i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
