The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
