There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
