two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This baby is an asshole
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
