If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
