Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize