I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
