my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
