I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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