Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
PANTIES FOUND
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
