i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
