I think I just saw someone hide a body.
too bad you live with your parents still
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
