my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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