I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
