True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
