i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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