Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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