Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
