So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
