Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
