my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
