New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
