my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
