If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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