in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
