I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
