Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
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he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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