Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
