and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
