Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
