Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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