Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
