So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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