Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
