Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
