Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
