my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
