hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
