8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
