Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
