it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's blow job season.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
