i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
