I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
