the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
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You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
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She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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