im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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