She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
