Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
