My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
