I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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