Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
