There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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