Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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