Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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