Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I would fuck him just for his dog
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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