i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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