Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
please come you make the beer taste better
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Pooping to opera.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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